“Ewoks were gay teddy-bears Kenner pushed because Episode IV ruined their racket with 5-year-olds,” Mann gurgled through Raging Guacamole.

“Am I supposda know Ewoks?”

“Shut the fuck up, Pita! It wasn’t called Episode IV then!…and Mann, ‘gay’ is not the preferred nomenclature – ‘fail,’ please.”

“Jesucristo! Using ‘fail’ as an adjective reeks of the tripey tailbait one finds in emo zines like ‘Free Taco Bell is Love.’”

“Erm,” dissecting further, “Ewoks proved large, primitive forces can defeat mechanized armies.”

“Was that lesson really even necessary? Vietnam?”

“Chewbacca costumes were too expensive. No, wait a minute…I told it wrong.”