If I have to walk another camel’s length carrying this 30-chi-long boat in woolen cape and felt hat, I will sweat into the air. I signed on for ten seasons of pillaging and general mayhem in paved, coastal cities in temperate climes, but they’ve got me dragging ass across this fucking desert, and I’m toting the scow because I’ve got the smallest penis. If I ever run into that pasty recruitment sergeant again, he’s going to need to doff his hat to shit. Gods above! This sun is fucking unbearable; I think I’ll sit down for a moment…